


Fall

by pcyjunguwudays



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Accidents, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 15:58:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcyjunguwudays/pseuds/pcyjunguwudays
Summary: In which Yuta messes up. Quite badly, in fact.





	Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Uh...all I'm gonna say is, keep some tissues near you...

Yuta had had enough. Sicheng had been acting weird all month. In fact, it had probably been more than a month, but he hadn’t noticed. What he did know was that Sicheng was an idiot. He’d practice for hours on end all of a sudden, repeating the same moves again and again and again, even when they were already perfect. He’d go through every possible choreography, making sure he had every movement precise. He’d come to the studio early, before the rest of the members, and leave late at night, long after everyone else. Yuta had lost track of the number of times he’d woken up at some ungodly hour to see Sicheng walking into the room and collapsing onto his bed. By the time Yuta would wake up in the morning, Sicheng would be gone. Yuta wasn’t sure if Sicheng was eating, either. The younger boy had stopped talking to everyone, really, and Yuta had to do something about it now before it got out of control.

“Hyung,” he whispered to Taeyong as they stopped for a moment. Taeyong glanced at him over the rim of his water bottle as he gulped down the ice cool liquid. “You gotta call a meeting for us.”

“What? Why? Is everything ok?” Taeyong asked, concerned. His eyes searched Yuta’s face, worry reflected in his eyes. Yuta nodded quickly, and Taeyong relaxed a second, but then worry popped up again. 

“Actually it’s not. I’m fine but…it’s Winwin.”

“Winwin? What’s wrong with him?”

“Are you really telling me you haven’t noticed?” Yuta asked in surprise. Taeyong was usually quite perceptive, out of all of them, and Yuta was surprised that he hadn’t caught on. Taeyong shrugged slightly, looking guilty.

“I’m sorry, Yuta, I’ve just been busy with practice…Ten and I have been working on our choreography this week. I haven’t really been focused enough on the members, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault,” Yuta sighed. “Listen. Sicheng hasn’t been sleeping well. He hasn’t been eating well, either, and he’s overworking. He’s practicing way too much. Look at him. He’s been so quiet, the only person he’s really been talking to is Renjun, and around us? He’s silent. Look.” Taeyong turned around at Yuta’s words and scanned the room. Johnny and Jaehyun were doing push-ups in the middle of the room, while Taeil and Doyoung stood over them, laughing and rolling their eyes, probably having a competition. Mark was playing rock-paper-scissors with Hyuck repeatedly. Yuta was next to Taeyong. And Sicheng…Sicheng was nowhere to be found. The two of them reached the conclusion at the same time. Exchanging panicked looks, they moved. 

“Yuta? Taeyong? Where are you guys going?” Johnny called, sitting up from the floor. 

“We’ll be back!” Taeyong yelled over his shoulder. “Stay put!”

The door slammed after him as he ran out, and Johnny stood up, confused. The rest of the members gathered in the middle of the room, the chilled atmosphere dissipating. “Do you think it’s Yuta hyung?” Donghyuck asked. “Did they have an argument?”

“No, it can’t be,” Jaehyun replied, patting Donghyuck’s head. The younger squirmed under his touch. “Yuta hyung doesn’t get angry easily, but when he does, we’d all know about it.”

“Wait, where’s Sicheng?” Taeil cut in, looking around. “Apart from Taeyong and Yuta, we’re all here, but Sicheng is not.”

“Maybe they’ve gone to find him?” Donghyuck offered. 

“Nah, they wouldn’t have run out like that,” Jaehyun replied after a moment. “He’s probably in the toilet.”

“Let’s not waste valuable practice time, then,” Mark said reluctantly. “Get to practice.”

*****

Sicheng splashed water on his face, gasping at the shock. It was colder than he’d expected it to be. He blinked at himself in the mirror. He was pale. Too pale. Slapping his cheeks a little to get some colour back, he pushed open the bathroom door. 

“AHH!” Sicheng fell backwards as something collided painfully with him. 

“I'm so sorry Winwin, are you ok?” the person gasped, and Sicheng sat up slowly to see Yuta staring at him, offering him a hand. Sicheng quickly stood up, ignoring Yuta’s hand, and smoothed out his shirt. His back was almost burning up in pain, but he refused to let himself show it.

“You should watch where you’re going next time,” he told the older boy calmly. Yuta frowned.

“I was looking for you.”

“I’m here now.” Sicheng turned to go. 

“Wait, Sicheng.” Yuta grabbed Sicheng’s shoulder when the younger refused to stop. “Winwin! I need to talk to you.” Sicheng sighed and turned around. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Listen. I’m worried about you.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about.”

“Oh? Do you eat well? Do you eat at all? Do you even sleep properly? All you do is practice, practice, practice! When was the last time you hung out with us? When did you last talk to Renjun? When did you go bowling with Ten? When did you even talk to Lucas? To the Dreamies? To  _ me _ ? I’m your best friend, goddammit, and I have no idea what’s going on with you!”

“I ALREADY TOLD YOU, THERE’S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT,” Sicheng exploded. “I’M FINE! I DO EAT WELL, I DO SLEEP WELL! I PRACTICE BECAUSE WE’RE IN A COMPANY WHERE TALENT MATTERS! AND I HAVE NO TALENT! I CAN’T AFFORD TO BRING DOWN THIS GROUP! I CAN’T AFFORD TO HURT ANY OF YOU! I’M DOING THIS FOR ALL OF YOU, CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?!” he screamed. 

“No, Sicheng, you’re not! You haven’t eaten anything in ages! You don’t eat a single meal with us! You’re not sleeping well! You come to bed at three in the morning, but by five, you’re already gone! You never stay with us! Why are you doing this?! Are you stupid?!” Yuta yelled back, grabbing Sicheng by the shoulders. “Look at me and tell me what the hell is wrong!”

“I WANT TO DIE!” Tears bubbled up in Sicheng’s eyes, but before he could let them fall, he pushed past Yuta, willing himself not to cry.

Yuta stood, dumbfounded, in the middle of the corridor. It took him all of thirty seconds to snap out of it, but it was thirty seconds too late. Sicheng was gone. He took off down the corridor after Sicheng. His one advantage was that he had longer legs, but they were only useful if he knew where to go. “Winwin?!” he yelled. “Winwin, please!” 

He took a left at the end of the corridor, blindly running past confused employees. “Sicheng! Sicheng, come back!”

He took another left, down a darker, less used corridor. He squinted, and when his eyes adjusted to the dimmer light, he could see Sicheng at the end, fumbling with the lock. He tore down the corridor, but Sicheng was quicker. He darted through the door. Yuta slammed into it with his shoulder in an attempt to slow down. Ignoring the pain, he yanked the handle open, panting. Sicheng was standing at the top of the stairs, opening yet another door. “Sicheng, please, listen to me,” Yuta begged. Ignoring the burning in his chest, he bolted up the stairs. Sicheng, panicking, darted through the door. Yuta reached out for Sicheng’s arm, but the latter lashed out. His foot connected with Yuta’s chest; Yuta, caught off guard, tumbled backwards down the stairs. The door above him slammed shut, the sound resonating in his ears. His head slammed into the ground. Yuta bounced, groaning in pain.

The door burst open and Taeyong stood there, his phone acting as a torch. “Yuta?! Are you ok?!” he exclaimed. Yuta sat up, blinking a little. His head throbbed and his shoulder was burning, but other than a mild pain in his back from the fall, he was ok. He allowed Taeyong to help him up, wincing. “What happened, hyung?” Taeyong asked, leading Yuta out of the small space. 

“Sicheng happened.” Yuta stretched gingerly. “I found him in the bathroom, and I sort of snapped at him. Then he exploded at me and ran away. I managed to find him here, but he was too quick. I tried to grab him and he-I overbalanced and fell backwards.” Yuta sighed, leaving out the part where Sicheng pushed him. It was sort of his own fault, after all. “How did you know where to find me?”

“I ran into Eunhyuk sunbae, he said he saw you come this way. I figured you’d climb up to the roof.”

“The roof?!” Yuta exclaimed. “Fuck, you have to get him down,” he exclaimed. 

“Why? What happened?”

“Sicheng’s going to jump.” Yuta took the stairs two at a time, ignoring the pounding in his head, and yanked the handle down. It didn’t budge. He raised his clenched fists and banged on the door. “DONG SICHENG, LET ME IN THIS INSTANCE!” he yelled.

“Yuta, Yuta, calm down!” Taeyong grabbed his shoulder from the other side. “Listen. Go and get Johnny, and find Lucas. They’ll know what to do. Tell the others to go back to the dorm. I’ll stay with Sicheng, don’t worry.” Yuta stared at Taeyong. “Go!” Yuta didn’t need telling twice. 

Taeyong sighed. “Winwin? It’s Taeyong. I won’t force you to open the door, but please, you need to stay away from the edge.” There was no response, but Taeyong wasn’t expecting one. He sighed, sitting down on the stairs. There was nothing he could do.

*****

Yuta burst into the practice room, where the remaining members were singing. He could hear them from down the corridor, but as soon as he went in, they stopped. “Yuta, what’s wrong?”

“Johnny hyung, come with me,” Yuta said, ignoring Taeil. “We need you, quick. Hyuck, go and grab Lucas. The rest of you can go back to the dorm.” When no one moved, Yuta’s eyes darkened. “Now!”

Donghyuck filed past Yuta and ran out of the room. Doyoung stood up and walked towards them, Johnny following him. Doyoung touched Yuta’s head lightly. Yuta flinched as Doyoung's hand drew blood. “Yuta, how did you get injured? You’re all dusty too.”

“Doyoung, do you trust me?” Yuta asked lowly. Doyoung nodded, meeting Yuta’s eyes. “Please. Don’t ask questions now. Get the others and go back to the dorm. You might as well take Dream home too. I promise you that we’ll explain later, but please…” he swallowed hard, forcing the lump in his throat down. Doyoung’s eyes searched Yuta’s face. He nodded. 

Johnny put an arm around Yuta and led him to the corner. “Bro, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Sicheng. He locked himself up on the roof and he won’t come down.” A tear slipped down Yuta’s face, and he wiped it away angrily. “I fell and hurt myself trying to get him. Please. Taeyong’s with him now, but the door’s locked, and he can’t get in. I’m scared that he’s going to jump…” Yuta trailed off. Donghyuck walked back through the door, with an unusually serious Lucas following him. Johnny turned around at the movement.

“Hyuck, go home. I’ll meet you there.” Donghyuck just nodded, his eyes darting between the three. As soon as he was gone, Johnny turned to Lucas. “Listen. Sicheng’s in trouble. He’s on the roof and he won’t come down. You and I are going to have to do it.”

“There’s no time, come on,” Yuta cut in, taking in a shaky breath. He grabbed their arms and marched them out of the room.

“Wait, why is he on the roof?” Lucas asked as he ran after Yuta. 

“Because I’m an idiot.” Lucas glanced at Johnny, who just shrugged, equally confused. They reached the door to the stairs in under five minutes, where Taeyong was still sitting, talking softly to Winwin through the door. He stood up when he noticed the three of them. Johnny and Lucas climbed the stairs first.

“Sicheng?” Lucas began, switching to Chinese mode straight away. “It’s Lucas. Are you ok?”

There was a moment of silence before Sicheng began to speak. Taeyong’s face showed visible relief, and he dropped back to Johnny and Yuta. “He didn’t say a word to me.” Yuta’s face relaxed a little upon hearing Sicheng’s voice, though he was still not completely stress free. Sicheng was still in danger.

*****

“No, Xuxi. I’m not ok. I’m...I want to cry,” Sicheng replied. He could hear the others talking. Taeyong had been speaking to him in ages, but Sicheng couldn’t bring himself to reply. He sat with his back against the door. “Xuxi, please…” Sicheng whispered. Tears spilled from his eyes and he let out a sob, finally releasing his emotions. “Xuxi, I can’t do this anymore,” he cried. 

Lucas glanced over his shoulder at the others, slightly scared. “Sicheng, can you open the door? Please,” he added. “I’m scared for you.”

“I can’t,” Sicheng repeated, curling into himself. He lay flat on the floor, no longer leaning on the door. “I can’t. I can’t.” His sobs wracked his whole body. Lucas felt a lump rise in his throat. 

“Sicheng, please, don’t say that,” Lucas begged. “I’m here to listen. We’re here to listen. Please, open the door.”

“It’s better if you all go,” Sicheng responded. “You don’t need me. You don’t care.” Sicheng stood up, taking in shaky breaths. He walked forwards, away from the door.

“Sicheng? SICHENG!” Lucas yelled. He pounded his fist on the door, but Sicheng did not respond. Panicking, he turned and ran down the stairs.

“Johnny hyung, you have to open the door, please!” he exclaimed. Johnny took one look at Lucas’s terrified face and took the stairs two at a time. He squinted at the lock, then slammed his shoulder into it, trying to force the door open. It vibrated, but did not open. 

“Kick the lock!” Yuta yelled, and Johnny sighed. Moving backwards, holding the rail for support, he pushed his weight through and kicked at the lock. The door buckled, and he repeated. The door ripped off its hinges and fell inwards. Yuta sped past Johnny at an almost inhumane speed and rushed out onto the roof. Lucas and Taeyong made to follow, but Johnny put his arm out, stopping them.

“What are you doing?!” Taeyong exclaimed, but Johnny put his finger on his lips. 

“Let Yuta. He needs to do this.” The three of them sat around the doorway, watching Yuta and Sicheng. Sicheng was standing near the edge, and though they could not hear the conversation, they could see Yuta pleading with the younger boy. 

*****

“Dong Sicheng!” Yuta yelled, storming out onto the roof. “Sicheng, what the hell?! Get back over the railings now!”

“Stay back.” Sicheng’s voice was cold, and Yuta stopped in his tracks. “Don’t come near, or I’ll jump.”

“Ok, fine, I’ll stay back, but at least look at me.” Sicheng turned slowly to face Yuta. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m just worried.”

“It’s fine, I guess.”

“No, it’s not fine. Please, tell me what’s wrong,” Yuta almost begged. “I’m here to help.  _ We’re _ here to help.”

“I can’t tell you,” Sicheng whispered. His lower lip wobbled, and Yuta reached out, but Sicheng gaze hardened. “Don’t come forward. Don’t touch me. If you do, I’ll-”

He didn’t need to finish the sentence. Yuta forced down the anger and panic and nodded. “Ok. I won’t come forward. But...why can’t you tell us? Why can’t you tell me?”

“Because...you’ll hate me for it. I can’t deal with that. Please. Please don’t make me. Please.” Sicheng’s breathing rate increased, and Yuta really began to panic. He ran forwards, but it was too late. Sicheng, caught up in his hysteria, stumbled backwards.

“NO!” Yuta yelled. He lunged forwards to grab Sicheng, but it was too late. “SICHENG!”

Johnny scrambled up at the scream. Yuta was sprawled over the ground, his body half-hanging off of the roof. “NO! YUTA!” he yelled, running. He grabbed Yuta’s leg and pulled him backwards. Yuta screamed and kicked at Johnny. 

“SICHENG! GET SICHENG, PLEASE!” he sobbed. Lucas stumbled to the edge and gingerly looked over. Sicheng was hanging off of the letter ‘E’ with both hands, his eyes wide open and terrified. He looked up at Lucas, his mouth moving but unable to say a word. He swung back and forth gently, almost like a doll. 

“Johnny hyung, come quickly,” Lucas gasped. Johnny made sure Taeyong had Yuta safe before he ran to the edge. 

“Ah, shit,” he swore, glancing over. Yuta shook Taeyong off and ran to the edge. He lay down on his stomach. “Lucas, listen to me. Sit on my legs. You have to make sure that I don’t fall as well. I’ll get him up.”

“Hyung, don’t be silly!” Lucas exclaimed, glancing at Yuta. 

“Lucas, we don’t have time for this! Sicheng is going to fall, and if he falls, I will not forgive myself! Now do as I say!”

It wasn’t often that Lucas shouted, but when he did, it was serious. Lucas nodded after a moment. He glanced over the edge once again. Sicheng’s eyes were fluttering closed. He could see that the boy was exhausted. His fingers were slipping. Yuta was right; there was no time. He lay down flat on his stomach and crawled over to the edge, pushing as much of his body under the railings as he could without falling himself.

“When I lower myself down, that’s when you sit. Got it?” Yuta told Lucas. Lucas nodded. Breathing deeply, Yuta slowly pushed his body down, his arms outstretched towards Winwin. He felt weight shift on his legs, preventing him from falling. He could hear Taeyong and Johnny talking in panicked voices, but right now, Sicheng was his main priority.

“Sicheng? Sicheng, listen to me,” Yuta began. Sicheng looked up, his eyes almost unseeing. “I’m going to reach out my hand to grab you. You need to let go of the letter and give me your hand. I won’t let you fall, I swear.”

“N-n-no, I’m going to fall,” Sicheng stuttered. His hands slipped downwards, but he regained his grip at the last second. His breath was laboured from the effort. 

“Sichengie, there’s not much time. Do you trust me?” Yuta begged. There was a pause. Sicheng nodded. “Ok. I’m giving you my hand. When you’re ready, I want you to let go and grab it. I promise that I will not let you fall.”

Sicheng looked up at Yuta, half hanging off the building himself. His gaze shifted to Johnny, who was also lying flat, ready for Sicheng to come up, and Taeyong, who was looking at him with encouraging eyes. Sicheng took a deep breath and let go of the letter.

Yuta grabbed Sicheng’s hand, grunting at the sudden added weight. His injured shoulder screamed in pain, but he ignored it, grabbing Sicheng and trying to pull him up. “Yuta,” Sicheng panted. “Yuta, I can’t-”

“No, Sicheng, please, I have you, you won’t fall, I’ve got you,” Yuta panted. Johnny reached for Sicheng, but he was still too low. He could not grab Sicheng without falling himself. 

“Yuta, forgive me,” Sicheng whispered. “Tell them...tell them I’m sorry.”

“What? Sicheng, no, DON’T LET GO!” Yuta yelled. Johnny cursed and ducked back under the railings, moving closer towards Yuta so he could grab Johnny. Sicheng closed his eyes.

“SICHENG, NO! PLEASE!”

Sicheng fell through the evening sky.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I'M SORRY
> 
> Follow my twt @pcyjunguwudays if you want to uh...send me some...love. Yeah, love. Spread love uwu :)))))


End file.
